%
Homer: "I'm not normally a religious man, but if you're up there, save me,
Superman!"
%
Homer: "To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems."
%
Mulder: "All right, Homer. We want you to re-create your every move the night
you saw this alien."
Homer: "Well, the evening began at the gentleman's club, where we were
discussing Wittgenstein over a game of backgammon."
Scully: "Mr. Simpson, it's a felony to lie to the F.B.I."
Homer: "We were sitting in Barney's car eating packets of mustard. You happy?"
%
Apu: "If you survived, please come again."
%
Mr. Burns: "Thank you, come again. Smithers, release the hounds."
%
Mr. Burns: "Smithers, why didn't you tell me about this market crash!"
Smithers: "Um, well, sir... it happened twenty five years before I was born."
Mr. Burns: "Oh, that's your excuse for everything!"
%
Homer: "I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to SPEED around a city,
keeping its SPEED over fifty, and if its SPEED dropped, it would explode.
I think it was called, "The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down."
%
Marge: "Homer, the plant called. They said if you don't show up tomorrow
don't bother showing up on Monday."
Homer: "Woo-hoo! Four-day weekend!"
%
Barney: "I'm Barney Gumble, and I'm an alcoholic."
Lisa: "Mr Gumble, this is a girl scout meeting."
Barney: "Is it? Or is it that you girls can't admit that you have a problem!"
%
Homer: "Here are your messages: You have 30 minutes to move your car. You
have 10 minutes. Your car has been impounded. Your car has been crushed into
a cube. You have 30 minutes to move your cube."
%
Marge: "I think we're going to need a bigger place."
Homer: "No, we don't. I've got it all figured out. The baby can have Bart's
room and Bart can sleep with us until he's 21."
Marge: "Won't that warp him?"
Homer: "My cousin Frank did it."
Marge: "You don't have a cousin Frank."
Homer: "He became Francine in '76. Then he joined that cult. I think his name
is Mother Shabubu now."
%
Homer: "Sometimes I think we're the worst family in town."
Marge: "Maybe we should move to a larger community."
%
Bart: "I am through with working. Working is for chumps."
Homer: "Son, I'm proud of you! I was twice your age when I figured that out."
%
Mr. Burns: "Who is that fireband, Smithers?"
Smithers: "That's Homer Simpson."
Mr. Burns: "Simpson, eh? New man?"
Smithers: "He thwarted your campaign for governor, you ran over his son, he
saved the plant from meltdown, his wife painted you in the nude..."
Mr. Burns: "Doesn't ring a bell."
%
Homer: "I'll never wiggle my bare butt in public again."
Lisa: "I'd like to believe that this time. I really would."
%
Homer: "So I says, blue M&M, red M&M, they all wind up the same color in the
end."
%
Bart: "Hey Homer, this house sucks!"
Homer: "Bart, I told you to never use that word! Call me Daddy."
%
Homer: "Oh, twenty dollars. I wanted a peanut."
Homer's Brain: "Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts."
Homer: "Explain how."
Homer's Brain: "Money can be exchanged for goods and services."
Homer: "Woo-hoo!"
%
Homer: "I am so smart! I am so smart! I am so smart! S-M-R-T!"
%
Bart: "Ooohh, my head."
Lisa: "The remorse of the sugar junkie."
%
Homer: "Hey, we didn't have a message on our answering machine when we
left. How very odd."
%
Mr. Burns: "A lifetime of working with nuclear power has left me with a
healthy green blow... and left me as impotent as a Nevada boxing
commissioner."
%
Homer: "Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether
you win or lose: it's how drunk you get."
%
Homer: "Lisa, if you don't like your job you don't strike. You just go in
every day and do it really half-assed.? That's the American way."
%
Homer: "Homer not function beer well without."
%
Homer: "Kids, just because I don't care doesn't mean I'm not listening."
%
Homer: "Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is,
never try."
%
Homer: "But every time I learn something new, it pushes out something old!
Remember that time I took a home wine-making course and forgot how to drive?"
Marge: "That's because you were drunk!"
Homer: "And how!"
%
Homer: "Operator! Give me the number for 911!"
%
Big brother representative: "Now, Mr. Simpson, may I ask why you're here?"
Homer's Brain: "Don't say revenge. Don't say revenge."
Homer: "Ummm... revenge?"
Homer's Brain: "Okay, that's it. I'm outta here."
%
Homer: "Okay, brain. You don't like me, and I don't like you, but let's get
through this thing and then I can continue killing you with beer."
Homer's Brain: "It's a deal!"
%
Homer: "Bart, a woman is like a beer. They look good, they smell good, and
you'd step over your own mother just to get one!"
%
Homer's Brain: "Use reverse psychology."
Homer: "Oh, that sounds too complicated."
Homer's Brain: "Okay, don't use reverse psychology."
Homer: "Okay, I will!"
%
Homer: "When I first heard that Marge was joining the police academy, I
thought it would be fun and zany, like that movie -- Spaceballs. But instead
it was dark and disturbing. Like that movie -- Police Academy."
%
Homer: "Dear Lord, the gods have been good to me. As an offering, I present
these milk and cookies. If you wish me to eat them instead, please give me
no sign whatsoever."
%
Homer: "What's the point of going out? We're just going to wind up back
here anyway."
%
Bart: "Oh my God! The dead have risen and are voting Republican!"
%
Homer: "Look, all I'm saying is, if these big stars didn't want people going
through their garbage and saying they're gay, then they shouldn't have tried
to express themselves creatively."
%
Lisa: "Dad, just for once don't you want to try something new?"
Homer: "Oh Lisa, trying is just the first step toward failure."
%
Homer: "Yeah, Moe, that team sure did suck last night. They just plain
sucked! I've seen teams suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch of
sucks that ever sucked!"
%
Moe: "People today are healthier and drinking less. You know, if it wasn't
for the junior high school next door, no one would even use the cigarette
machine."
%
Homer: "If they can send a man to the moon, why can't they make my shoes
smell good?"
%
Homer: "Oh, they have the Internet on computers now."
%
Bart: "Aren't we forgeting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the
birth of Santa."
%
Insurance Agent: "Now, before I give you the check, one more question.
This place Moe's you left just before the accident. This is a business
of some kind?"
Homer's Brain: "Don't tell him you were at a bar. Gasp! But what else is
open at night?"
Homer: "It's a pornography store. I was buying pornography."
Homer's Brain: "Heh heh heh. I woulda never thought of that."
%
Homer: "Just because I don't know doesn't mean I don't understand."
%
Homer: "You mean you gave away both your dogs? You know how I feel about
giving!"
%
Homer: "If something's hard, then it's not worth doing."
%
Marge: "We don't think you're slow. But on the other hand, it's not like you
go to museums or read books or anything."
Homer: "Do you think I don't want to? It's those TV networks Marge. They
won't let me. One quality show after another, each one more brilliant than
the last. If they only stumbled once -- just gave us thirty minutes to
ourselves. But they won't, they won't let me live!"
%
Lisa: "Mom! Dad's on PBS!"
Marge: "Mm? They don't show police chases, do they?"
%
Homer: "English? Who needs that? I'm never going to England."
%
Homer: "I wanna shake off the dust of this one-horse town. I wanna explore
the world! I wanna watch TV in a different time zone! I wanna visit strange,
exotic malls! I'm sick of eating hoagies! I want a grinder, a sub, a
foot-long hero! I want to LIVE!"
%
Lisa: "I'm going to my room Dad."
Homer: "That's it! Go to your room!"
%
Lisa: "Thank you, Mr. President."
Bill Clinton: "No, thank you, Lisa. For teaching kids everywhere a valuable
lesson: If things don't go your way, just keep complaining until your dreams
come true."
Marge: "That's a pretty lousy lesson."
Bill Clinton: "Hey, I'm a pretty lousy president."
%
Homer: "If he's so smart, how come he's dead?"
%
Homer's ghost: "Marge you gotta help me, I have to do one good deed to get
into heaven."
Marge: "Well I got a whole list of chores: clean the garage, paint the
house..."
Homer's ghost: "Whoa! I'm just trying to get in, I'm not running for Jesus."
%
Moe: "Say, Barn. Uh, remember when I said I'd have to send away to NASA to
calculate your bar tab?"
Barney: "Oh ho, oh yeah. We all had a good laugh, Moe."
Moe: "The results came back today."
%
Smithers: "Look at all the wonderful things you have, sir; King Arthur's
Excalibur, the only existing nude photo of Mark Twain, and that rare first
draft of the constitution with the word "suckers" in it..."
%
Apu: "I have been shot eight times this year, and as a result, I almost
missed work."
%
Homer: "Hello, my name is Mr. Burns. I believe you have a letter for me."
Post Office Worker: "Okay. What's your first name?"
Homer: "...I don't know."
%
Mr. Burns: "Mr. Simpson, you're smarter than you look, or sound, or our best
testing indicates."
%
Marge: "You can't ask God to kill someone!"
Homer: "Yeah! Do your own dirty work!"
%
Marge: "Homer, why aren't you at work? You're late."
Homer: "They said if I came in late again that I would get fired, and I
can't risk that, so I'm not going!"
%
Marge: "Homer, I don't want you driving around in a car you built yourself."
Homer: "You can sit there complaining, or you can knit me some seat belts."
%
Homer: "Kiss my hairy yellow butt."
%
Homer: "How could you? Haven't you learned anything from that guy that gives
those sermons in church? Captain What's-his-name. We live in a society of
laws, why do you think I took you to see all those Police Academy movies? For
fun? Well I didn't hear anybody laughing! Did you? Except at that guy who
made sound effects. Vroom! Beep! Honk! Honk! Ha-ha. Where was I? Oh yeah,
stay out of my booze!"
%
Marge: "Homer, I thought our marriage could survive anything, but last night,
you not only crossed the line, you threw up on it!"
%
Homer: "How was everyone's day at school?"
Bart: "Horrible!"
Lisa: "Pointless!"
Marge: "Exhausting! It took the class 40 minutes to locate Canada on a map."
Homer: "Oh, honey, anyone could miss Canada. All tucked way down there."
%
Homer: "Donuts - is there anything they can't do?"
%
Homer: "Ahhh sweet pity... what would my love life be without it?"
%
Ned Flanders: "How do you do it, Homer? How do you silence that little voice
that says 'Think!' ?"
Homer: "You mean Lisa?"
%
Homer: "When I held that gun in my hand, I felt a surge of power... like God
must feel when he's holding a gun."
%
Homer: "This gun has made me lose everything... my family, my friends,
everything but my precious, precious gun."
%
Marge: "You lied to me Homer. You told me you got rid of the gun."
Homer: "But Marge, I swear, I never thought you'd find out."
%
Homer: "Lisa, vampires are make-believe! Just like elves, and gremlins,
and Eskimos."
%
Homer: "Stupid risks are what make life worth living."
%
Homer: "Is this episode going on the air live ?"
June Velany: "No Homer, very few cartoons are broadcast live. It's a
terrible strain on the animator's wrist."
%
Homer: "Damn keyboard! Where's the 'Any' key?"
%
Homer: "Oh Lisa, there's no record of a hurricane ever hitting Springfield."
Lisa: "Yes, but the records only go back to 1978 when the hall of records
was mysteriously blown away."
%
Homer: "Oh Bart, don't worry, people die all the time. In fact, you could
wake up dead tomorrow!"
%
Marge: "Homer, we can't take his money!"
Homer: "Aww, I can't take his money, I can't print my own money, I have to
work for my money! Why don't I just lay down and die!"
%
Homer: "But I can't leave the country. What about my wife and kids?"
Smithers: "That can be shipped."
%
Homer: "This is it, the last bar in Springfield. If they don't let me in,
I'll have to quit drinking!"
Homer's Liver: "Woo-hoo!"
Homer: "Quiet, you!"
%
Marge: "Homer, the Lord only asks for an hour a week."
Homer: "Well in that case, He should've made the week an hour longer.
Lousy God."
%
Homer: "Lisa, would you like a donut?"
Lisa: "No thanks. Do you have any fruit?"
Homer: "This has purple in it. Purple is a fruit."
%
Homer: "Son, If you want something in life you have to work for it. Now quit
they're about to announce the lottery numbers."
%
Homer Simpson: "The sun? That's the hottest place on Earth."
%
Lisa: "Bart, this is priceless!"
Bart: "Priceless like a mother's love, or the good kind?"
%